


Perpetual

by roguefaerie (samidha)



Series: Finding Home Away From Home (GQ/NB Dean Winchester with Shadow Moon Fics) [31]
Category: American Gods - Neil Gaiman, Supernatural
Genre: Coming Out, Coming Out Day, Drabble, Drabble Collection, Drabbles, Five AUs, Gen, Names, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Dean, POV Queer Character, POV Trans Character, Queer Character, Queer Gen, Queerplatonic Relationships, Stand Alone, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-11
Updated: 2017-10-11
Packaged: 2019-01-16 03:17:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12334416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/samidha/pseuds/roguefaerie
Summary: It's Coming Out Day and coming out is perpetual.5 AUs, one of which is established/an established crossover pairing that is queerplatonic.Prompt: Names (TW/CW: Names)





	Perpetual

**Author's Note:**

> I put this in my crossover series, because it has one crossover pairing, but it/they stand(s) alone as its own thing.

One

Sam tells Jessica first. Because there was no way to say anything in the testosterone den that is a Winchester motel room “home,” and she sighs and cradles his head against her chest and says, “Me too, Sam. Dana Scully was my first love.”

He tells her that his name doesn’t fit right, and he doesn’t know if that’s part of it, and she says he’ll figure it out and when he does she hopes she’s there to support him.

And every year after that, they help their friends through the day, and all the other little comings-out there are.

Two

Dean just doesn’t know. There’s something that always feels off. There’s a part of him always acting, always over the top. He knows it’s there, and so do a lot of people. When you live on lies to civvies, what’s one more? Except for how this one could be lying to yourself? He pulls ID from the glove compartment and thinks, _another day, another identity crisis_ , except he keeps it under wraps, turns up his identity-is-not-a-problem meter as far as it will go and gets out of the car. Whatever, he Does. Not. Want. To. Think. About. It.

Three

Away from Sam and Dad for all this time now, because he made it. Shadow is here with him and he lets himself be held onto. 

“You know it, sweetheart, that you don’t owe it to anyone. You don’t owe them a damn thing.”

“I don’t want this name, anymore, Shadow. Except you know that feeling like it’s written into the cosmos? Like it won’t let you go.

“And....you don’t want to abandon some parts of you either. And no matter what happens, it just keeps on happening.”

“It’s perpetual,” Shadow agrees.

“I’m tired.”

“I know you are. Me too.”

Four

A long time ago, in gentler times, maybe. Sam steals the journal because he’s angry. He’s having feelings about himself, feelings that he is different. Maybe not like his dad _or_ his brother. But he wasn’t always thinking about monsters. That was just another layer. 

It’s their secret, that Sam doesn’t feel right, that Dean has to hold on to something about his brother that Sam’s known since he could see things on television and follow plots. Since Sam could see people and get crushes.

“Hey, hey, hey, it’s okay,” Dean had said. And Sam hadn’t expected it.

Five

In the courthouse. A moment when you are neither who you used to be nor who you are, really, now, at least not in the eyes of the government machine, and you’re excited but also you could burn it all down. Thinking of people who never have to feel this way at all. 

You go through with it, every step, and you are who you’ve felt yourself to always be, and the hassle, you know, in this moment, will always be worth it. Shedding the names holding so much weight, letting them fall into a place you never visit again.


End file.
